The Divine Struggle

Now I'm starting to get mad at myself for how many food things I've been doing. But when you think about it, even though I'm not trying to do a lot of things that are really convenient, they all still are, and I've been falling back on them too often. So, sigh...:

48. I ate one of those pasta meals they sell at Turtle.

I've always wanted to, but have never been able to pull the trigger, because I usually just want to get boring old soup. And to be honest, I wanted to get a pinneapple pizza again tonight, but it didn't work out, because they had so many pizzas to make already. So, I figured, since I was there, I would do something a little more "active." And the diagnosis on it was that it was pretty good. Maybe not something I would get again, but I might try a different type of pasta some time. It reminded me strangely of thanksgiving, and I still have no idea why.


I went to the Mall tonight with Lizzie to do some window shopping, and to gather ideas for christmas gifts and my own list. I think I am way more intrigued by the concept of shopping than the act of it. It might also be because Lizzie didn't want to buy anything, and therefore I didn't really want to make her wait for me to buy things. Plus, I didn't much cash, and thought it would be kinda pointless to visit an ATM.

And speaking of ATMs, by a happy mistake I saw my bank account balance and was pleasantly surprised that I had so much more money than I thought. I've been avoiding checking my balance for a while now, because ever since I stopped working, I don't put any money in, and have made really great friends with the ATM. I won't say how much was actually in there, but it was a good few hundred dollars more than I thought. Great for Christmas.

But thinking of money made me sad that I don't have a job. I really don't have time for a job right now, and It would probably be hard to get hired anywhere anyways, but still. I'd very much like a steady income again so I didn't have to fear checking my account balance. And I'd like to get a debit card at some point without being scared to use it. I'd love to get a job at Barnes and Noble or some clothing retailer (gap!) but I think, along with the fact that I still don't have my license, and am not the hugest fan of inconveniencing people in the rides department, I am just too busy to even try to get one.

Plus, I was hoping at some point this year I could get back into theater. I don't really know how I fit into the South High Theater Department anymore, if I ever did. I mean, yeah, I have a lot of friends in theater, and am somewhat confident with my abilities, but I can't deny the fact that still, as a senior, I am very shy. And they're so clique-y. I feel like that's a tough barrier to break. So, if I try out for anything this year, I'm making someone try out with me. (And no one can say that I should try out by myself for my new thing, because I have already done that. ha!) That's assuming that either of us would get in. But we'll see. I'm still not entirely sure I'd want to. Because that would also be super time consuming as well. And I would feel really bad having to miss days during production week of Southerner to go have rehearsals. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.

This post was more Livejournal, than Blog. Does anyone mind that I went so in depth here? Or did you skip over everything? I'd just like to know if it's worth writing this much stuff in future posts.