It's one of those days where I'd like to just quit school, because it literally brought nothing good into my day.
I'm currently attributing it to the fact that I have a programming assignment due tomorrow at midnight, and I'm having a hard time concentrating on it. I'd forgotten how stressful it is to have projects that are more mentally taxing than physically. Art projects have such easier solutions, and better ones, and ones that you can create yourself, not that you have to read in a book. I admire the people who are really smart in math and science, but I'm glad I'm not one of them. Usually. Now is a time that I wish I was one of them, though, so this assignment would just...come to me.
I'm also really frustrated at math. My teacher constantly is changing the schedule of when we meet, because it's supposed to be four days a week, but then we've been having increasingly more "independant study hours" where we don't meet and are expected to use the time to study on our own (although, I seriously hope my professor isn't expecting that we actually get up at nine to study on our own, if like me, you don't have another class until later). But the point is, he keeps changing the schedule, and sending out new ones, so I have all of these dates written down that we're not meeting, and then I have to change them, and it gets confusing, and it hasn't really been a huge issue until today, when we originally didn't have class, and I didn't see it on the schedule, so I didn't change it on my calendar, and I missed class, because I thought we didn't have it. I blame myself 75% for not double-checking, but I blame him the rest, because he needs to QUIT CHANGING the schedule. I'm already feeling extremely disorganized right now, he's just making it way worse.
I think honestly the most amount of frustration is coming from the fact that I CAN'T FOCUS on anything these days. I keep getting distracted. I literally can't help it. I can't turn a problem into an answer, I can't write in Java syntax, I can't sketch logos, and I can't paint for long periods of time. I can't do anything. I'm getting enough sleep, I'm eating enough, I just. can't. focus. I think it has something to be overstimulated. Listening to music, watching movies, tv, talking to people, it all sticks with me too much. I think I have ADD. And I don't just say that in a casual way, I'm not just doing random self-diagnosing, but I think I've had it for awhile. Focusing has never been my forte. And honestly, it's at the root of every issue I'm currently having.
